Adventure Time with Marceline and Schwabl
by Neo-Dracula
Summary: The adventures of Marceline the Part-Human, Schwabl the Magic Poodle, Simon Petrikov the Ice Prince, Finn the Vampire King, Jake the Zombie Dog, and her battles with the evil scientist, Bubblegum! ( Pairings could end up being Finnceline, Ice Prince x Marceline, or Bubbline)
1. Marceline the Hero

**Yes, I am aware that there is an AU similar to this... but the similarities end at Finn being a vampire and Marceline being a human... in fact, Marceline isn't entirely human in this fic... just wait to see what I mean.**

* * *

Marceline walked down the snowy path, powdery flakes falling from the sky and landing on her red sweater.

She looked down at her poodle, Schwabl, who was walking on his hind legs at her side, "So... what do you think Ice Prince wants us for?"

The poodle shrugged his shoulders, "Dunno. He probably wants you to help him with another one of his expeditions or something. He's really into archeology, you know."

Marceline smiled, tugging on the straps of her back pack as they entered the Ice Kingdom citadel, a city made up of ice and igloos that lay before a large ice mountain.

The residents, mostly snow golems and friendly abominable snowmen, waved at her as she passed. Marceline was one of the most respected people in Ooo, because she was their heroin.

The human girl looked up at the ice mountain, then down at her poodle, "Shwabl, can you transform fly us up there?"

The fluffy-white dog raised an eyebrow, "Whats the rush? Unless you're crushing on him..."

Marceline felt her cheeks go hot, "I am not!"

Schwabl snickered, "Just teasing, sister. Come on, climb aboard!"

Schwabl then transformed into a large, white eagle in a puff of smoke. Marceline laughed and hopped on his back, the eagle then flying up to the cave at the top.

They landed, and Marceline hopped off, walking up to the double ice doors.

She knocked on them, and they were soon opened by a young man with navy-blue royal garbs and cape, snow-white hair tied back into a ponytail, and had a golden, ruby studded crown seated atop his head.

"Ah, Marceline! I'm glad you've come."

She blushed lightly the human actually did have a huge crush on the ice man, but she would never admit that to him.

Ice Prince motioned for her to follow him, and they went into the next room, where an ancient jar sat. He walked over to it, pointing at some of the markings, "-as you can see by these markings, this jar has to be-"

The dark-skinned girl wasn't really paying attention. Her thoughts were glued to the her blue crush the whole while he was talking.

Suddenly, a big explosion rocked the whole room.

"What was that?" asked Marceline, standing up.

"Hello, Marceline."

Marceline spun around, narrowing her eyes. Standing there was Princess Bubblegum, clad in a tight, full-body black suit. She had on utility belt, holding many types of bombs and scientific weapons.

Marceline growled, her worst enemy approaching Ice Prince. He narrowed his eyes and shot an ice blast at the candy woman, but she held up her hand, the silver gauntlet she was wearing generating a deflective shield. The ice blast bounced off the shield and flew at Marcy, who ducked under the blast.

Marceline drew her ax-bass, just as Bubblegum knocked out Ice Prince with some sort of spray, and slinging him across her shoulders.

Marceline rushed at the mad-scientist, swinging her ax-bass at her. Bubblegum ducked out of the way, dropping Ice King and drawing a laser pistol.

"Marceline!" cried Schawbl, running into the room. He jumped into the air, and, using his shape-shifting powers, morphed into a mirror-like shield, landing in Marceline's hands.

Bubblegum pulled the trigger, firing off a blast, but it hit the Schawbl shield, deflecting it back at the pink-maniac. The blast hit her hand, making her drop her pistol.

Marceline dropped Schawbl, the poodle transforming back into base-form before hitting the ground. Marceline rushed at the candy woman, delivering an uppercut to her jaw, knocking her back into the wall, causing her to drop Ice Prince.

Bubblegum wiped the pinkish blood from her lip and grunted, "Alright.. you win this battle yet again, Marceline... but mark my words, Ice Prince shall be my husband!"

She threw a flash grenade on the ground, and when everyone got their sight back a few moments later, she was gone.

* * *

Ice King woke up later, seeing a smiling Marceline and Schwabl at the foot of his bed. "How are you feeling, Ice King?" Marceline asked the chilly monarch. He got out of bed and laughed, pulling her in for hug, making the human girl blush, "Thanks again, Marceline. That crazy woman would have forced me into marriage a long time ago if it weren't for you."

Marceline begrudgingly pulled away, turning her back to the prince of cool so he wouldn't see her blush, "Yeah... don't mention it."

* * *

Marcy walked into her cave home, her poodle walking at her feet. "Don't worry about it, Marceline. When I first met Gertrude, I couldn't even speak to her I was so nervous."

Marceline smiled down at him, "Thanks, Schwabl." On cue, Nepter rolled up to them, spinning around their feet, "Yeah! Marceline and Schwabl are back!" He flipped open his chest, revealing a steaming hot pie, "Who wants pie?"

Marceline smiled down at her tiny robot friend and laughed.

* * *

**Ok, who should Marceline get with...? Lets compare her possible love-interests with Fionna's-**

**Ice Prince ( yes, he is Simon Petrikov, just young) x Marceline = Fioball**

**Finnceline=Fiolee**

**Bubbline= Snowbunny ( Fionna x Ice Queen)**

**Tell me which one you want. I'll set up a poll on my profile so you can vote.**


	2. Mr Pig

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS AN IMPROMPTU 'MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL' REFRENCE.**

* * *

Marceline and Schwabl were seated in the house of Mr. Pig, Marceline eagerly spooning pumpkin soup in her mouth while Schawbl was chowing down on some pumpkin pie.

"Mmm... this is great, Mr. Pig!" said Marceline, licking her bowl clean in a very unladylike fashion.

"Heh... thanks, y'all... but my pumpkin dishes are inadequate..."

Schwabl looked up, wiping chunks of pumpkin pie from his whiskers,"'Wathcha talkin' 'bout, Mr. Pig?! You make the best pumpkin dishes in Ooo!"

He sighed, "Yeah, but... there's one pumpkin I just can't get my hands on that I've wanted to for a long time..."

Marceline put her empty bowl down with a light clatter, "Is it a magic pumpkin found in an evil forest? Because that kind of shiz is right down Schwabl and I's alley."

He laughed a bit, "Great! It's called the 'Pumpkin of Winds'... it's said that the god of the sky gifted us mortals with it... but, it's not in a scary dungeon... it's across a scary canyon!"

* * *

Marcy, with Mr. Pig clinging to her head, rode atop Schwabl in his horse-form, rode through the desert of doom, fast approaching the canon.

"OK..." said Mr. Pig, "-first, we need to head across a bridge to the other side of the canyon, where there will be a machine to carry us down into the canyon itself... after that, it's a straight shot to the Pumpkin of Winds!"

Marcy smiled, "Great! That sounds to easy!"

Mr. Pig rubbed the back of his head, looking sheepish, "Actually... there's supposed to be a brutal challenge for each step... but I'm sure we'll be handle it, right?"

Suddenly, a bridge came into view. Schwabl clopped to a stop, Marceline hopping off and walking towards it.

Before she could step on, a cloud of smoke exploded before her, and when it cleared, stood an old man, wrapped up in a purple cloak, only the tip of his gray beard visible.

"Halt!" he screeched, "-if you want to go across the bridge, you must first answer me three questions!"

Marceline smiled, "Sounds easy! Lay 'em on me, old timer!"

"What," barked the bridge guardian, "-is your name?"

"Marceline."

"What... is your quest?"

"To get the Pumpkin of Winds for my friend, Mr. Pig."

"What... is your favorite color?!"

Marceline, flabbergasted by the strange question, scratched her chin, "Uhh... red?"

The old man smiled from under his hood, "You may pass, young lady."

Marceline stepped past the diminutive guardian and onto the creaky, rope bridge. Schwabl stepped forward. The old man looked down at the poodle, "What- is your name?"

"Schwabl."

"What... is your quest?"

"To snag the pumpkin of winds for my pal, Mr. Pig."

"What... is the average velocity of an in-flight swallow?!"

Schwabl looked toward the sand for a moment and looking back up, "A Grass Kingdom or Breakfast Kingdom swallow?"

The old man shrugged his shoulders, "What? How am I supposed to know that?"

No sooner did his question end than when the cloaked figure was hurled up into the sky by an unseen force, hurtling towards the ground at a break-neck speed a few hundred miles away.

Schwabl shrugged his shoulders, "Well, once we get that pumpkin, he would have been short of a job anyway! C'mon, lets get moving!"

* * *

After crossing the rickety bridge, Marceline, , and Schwabl ended up on the other side, where their was a large rock with an iron door.

Marceline put her hand on the knob, twisting it open and stepping inside, her two friends behind her.

Marceline then unslung her ax-bass, "Careful, guys... who knows what challenge is in store for us next?!"

But, looking around the area, Marceline found herself in a nice elevator. The walls were painted a nice green, with stripes of a darker shade of green running vertically all around.

Marceline raised put her hands on her hips, "OK, what the heck is this?"

"An elevator, apparently." responded Mr. Pig. Schwabl then walked over to the buttons near the door, one had an arrow pointing up, and beneath it, an arrow pointing down.

"Guess we want down..." he muttered, pressing his paw against the down button. The elevator then began slowly moving down with a loud creak.

"Hey, Schwabl," said Marcy, "-why didn't you just fly us down into the canyon?"

Schwabl scratched his chin, "Err... that's a good question... well, whatever. We'll be down there soon anyway. Hey... I wonder what this impossible challenge is in this elevator...?"

Right on cue, horrendous, generic, and all around mind-numbing elevator music began playing. Marceline covered her ears, "Sweet Hell Owl! Turn that shit off!"

Schwabl ceased banging his head against the wall and looked over at his sister, "OK! All we need to do is find the speakers..."

They all looked around, until Mr. Pig spotted it up at the top-right corner of the elevator. Marceline quickly jumped up, smashing it with her ax-bass.

Unfortunate, the force of her ax slamming into the elevator caused it to make a screeching and whirring sound, and just like that, the faulty cords lowering the elevator snapped, causing it to fall to the bottom of the canyon.

Marceline and Mr. Pig grabbed each other, screaming. Schwabl reacted quickly, transforming into a white rhino and ramming into the side of the elevator, creating a large hole.

He then morphed into a large eagle, Marceline and Mr. Pig jumping onto his back. He dove out of the elevator, floating gently down as the elevator crashed into the sandy surface, reducing it to a smoking heap of twisted metal.

Looking ahead, Marceline could see a round, green pumpkin... it's thick skin allowed you two see into it, and looking inside, Marceline could see a mighty gale brewing.

Schawbl smiled, starting to run over to it, "Come on guys, its right over their!"

When Schawbl was a few yards away, a bolt of lightning burst from the sky, striking the ground in front of him. He was tossed back, his adoptive sister catching him in her arms.

Suddenly, from the small crater, a humanoid figure stepped out. His entire bodie crackled with blue electricity.

Schawbl stepped forward, transforming into an albino ape and cracking his knuckles, "You have some nerve, pal..."

To everyone's surprise, the lighting creature morphed into an ape as well, mimicking Schawbl, even repeating his words in a high-pitched, crackly voice.

Schwabl spun his fist around, the copy mimicking his actions, "OK, you asked for it, pal..."

"OK, YOU ASKED FOR IT PAL." repeated the clone. Schwabl released his fist, only for it to crash into his double's. Unfortunately for the shape-shifting poodle, his duplicate wasn't made of flesh; but electricity.

Schwabl screamed in pain as the electricity ran throughout his body, the ape falling back and transforming back into a dog.

Marceline stepped forward, "OK... I can't touch you..."

The electric monster morphed into a copy of Marcy, "OK... I CAN'T TOUCH YOU."

Marceline smirked a bit, "Mr. Pig, step back."

A bead of sweat rolled down the swine's forehead, "Uh... alright..."

Marceline looked back at her clone as it looked back at her. She spread her feet out, sticking her hands forward, "Try and mimic this..."

"TRY AND MICMIC THIS..."

Marceline let her smirk drop as she grunted in exertion, a golden light beginging to form in her outstretched palms.

The electric copy-cat realized the flaw in his strategy a few moments too late. Marceline shot out a flash of brilliant power from her palms, engulfing the guardian. It screeched in pain as it's body dissipated from the golden wave of light washing over it.

Marceline sighed, letting her arms hand at her sides. Mr. Pig ran up to her side, "Marceline! I had no idea that you had magic powers!"

She smiled down at the pig and looked at her own hands, "Yeah... I'm not sure how I got them myself. But hey, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, right?"

Marceline plucked the pumpkin from the ground, "Come on, let's go cook this sucker."

* * *

Mr. Pig, Marcy, and Schwabl sat at the table, looking into a pot of green (with a light tint of orange) pumpkin soup.

"Well," said Schwabl, "- since you cooked it, I think you should have the first taste, Mr. Pig."

"Thanks, you guys..." he said, lifting his spoon into the air. He dipped the spoon in the soup, lifting it out then bringing it to his mouth.

"So, how does it taste, Mr Pig?"

Mr. Pig didn't respond. A sour look spread across his face.

"So... bad?" asked Schwabl.

Without warning, Mr. Pig was hurled into the air, breaking through his roof and launched far above the clouds.

Marceline and Schwabl stared blanking at each other, unsure of what just happened.


	3. Take Over

Ice Prince was flying through the clear, crisp air, looking down at the Ice Kingdom's square, where a massive party was being held.

Not paying attention to where he was going, he accidentally bumped into a migrating, in-flight bird, causing his crown to fall off of his head. He screamed, the source of his power gone.

He fell to the earth, only to be caught in the arms of Marceline.

He laughed, relived that the heroine had caught him before he went splat. As Marceline let him down, Schwabl had picked up his crown, returning it to him.

"Thanks, Marcy. You're a real hero..." he said, putting his crown back on his head. He rubbed his chin a bit, "Hmm... a real hero..."

He looked back at the human girl, "You have magic powers, right Marcy?"

"Yeah...?"

"I have something that might help you..."

* * *

Simon came back up from his basement, carrying an ancient book in his arms. He handed it to Marcy, "Here, take this. It's a spell book written by the wizard hero, Cihl. It should help you."

Marcy put the book into her pack, blushing, "Thanks, Ice Prince. It means a lot to me..."

Suddenly, they both heard a trumpet sound outside. They, along with Schwabl, walked over to the Ice Prince's balcony. Standing outside the front gate of the castle, there was a yellow man with a lemon-shaped head. He took the trumpet out of his mouth, drew his sword, and began screaming, "I, THE EARL OF LEMONGRAB, CLAIM THIS KINGDOM IN THE NAME OF THE CANDY KINGDOM AND PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM!"

"Rather blunt fellow, isn't he?" said Ice Prince.

"ANYTHING BUT IMMEDIATE SURRENDER IS UNACCEPTABLE!" he screeched at the top of his lungs.

Ice Prince sighed, "ICE GUARDS! Arrest that man!"

The front gates of the Ice Castle swung open, and out stepped two Ice Guards, animated ice sculptures of strong warriors. They were both protected by simple, hard ice armor and armed with icicle spears, which they pointed at the Lemongrab, "OK, buddy, come quietly..."

He released a shrill laugh, "HA! You fools fell for my trap!"

"What is he talking about?" asked Schwabl.

He brought his fingers up to his lips and let out a whistle, and like that, several Candy People appeared as if from nowhere, all holding stun rods.

They quickly overtook the two Ice Guards, while their comrades tried to close the doors to the castle. Before they could, unfortunately, a Cinnamon Bun man a least 3 meters in height appeared, forcing the gates open. Even more Candy People appeared from thin air, storming the castle.

Simon gulped a bit, shaking and backing up, "H-how is this p-possible?"

"Do you like my new cloaking technology, Ice Prince?"

Marceline, Ice Prince, and Schwabl spun around, seeing Bubblegum appear out of thin air. She shot wicked smile at them, "Now, Ice Prince, both your body and kingdom shall be MINE!"

Ice Prince clenched his fists, "You- you witch!"

She smiled a bit, "Oh, my sweet, prince... I'm a woman of science... that human whore standing next to you, however, could defiantly be classified as witch."

Marceline growled, drawing her ax-bass. She rushed at Bubblegum, only for the pink woman to throw down some sort of mine a few feet in front of her. Marceline accidentally stepped on it, and it burst open, wrapping Marceline up in some sort of green rope. She fell to the icy floor with a thud.

Bubblegum walked towards Ice Prince, the blue royal backing up, scared. While he did have some ice powers, he was no fighter. Bubblegum slapped the crown off his head, putting her hands against his chest and pushing him up against the wall. He whimpered, which was soon silenced by her lips forcibly pressing up against his.

Just as the shock set in, another, more literal shock coursed through him. He looked down to see Bubblegum pressing a tazer into him.

Schwabl transformed into a wolf and pounced at Bubblegum, only for a rainbow-colored blur to intercept, slamming into him and causing him to knock his head against the floor hard enough to knock him out.

The rainbow-colored blur flew over to Bubblegum, turning out to be a rainicorn.

"Nice work, Lady." complimented Bubblegum, pulling out some sugar cubes. She ran her hand through her luscious mane, feeding her the cubes. Lady replied in Korean.

Bubblegum smiled to herself... the Ice Kingdom was now hers.

* * *

Marceline's eyes popped open. She sat up, looking around. She was in a frozen cell in the Ice Castle's prison.

She looked out of the bars... outside, a Banana solider, one of Bubblegum's creations, was leaning against the wall, his candy cane gun cradled between his arms as he slept. He was right next to a table where her ax-bass and pack were laying.

She looked over to the other side of the room, where Schwabl was chained up to the wall, a collar to neutralize his powers around his neck.

"Schwabl..." Marceline hissed, getting her adoptive brother's attention. The poodle looked over, "Marceline..." he said softly, "-we're in a real pickle here..."

Marceline then felt something shoved in her waist band... her spell book! They forgot to check her for it! She quickly whipped it out, flipping through the pages to find a spell to free them.

She eventually found a heat spell, and upon it's discovery, she let a wicked grin spread across her face...

* * *

Looking upon the pink woman in her light pink wedding gown, Simon had to admit she did look rather beautiful... to bad she was an insane scientist.

A Banana Solider pushed the butt of his candy cane rifle against Ice Prince's back, forcing him to step up to the ice alter.

Lemongrab, acting as a priest, went through the typical wedding procedures; vows, that sort of thing.

"DOES ANYONE OBJECT TO THIS MARRIAGE?!" he called out rather loudly after a while. Wisely, none of the Candy People or Ice People objected.

Except for one girl and her poodle, who crashed through the double-doors, "I object!" cried Schwabl, holding in a chuckle, always wanting to say that.

Bubblegum's entire pink body turned red with anger. She threw down her bouquet of cotton-candy roses and stomped on the ground, "DAMN YOU, MARCELINE! WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS BE AN INTERLOPER?!"

The Banana Soilder's pointed their rifles at Marcy and her poodle. Marceline raised her hands, "Hey, Bubblegum... that witch comment really hurt my feelings..."

"Whats your point?!"

She smiled, "Well, to cut to the chase, I issue you a Royal Challenge- a dual. If I win, you can marry Ice Prince and take the Ice Kingdom, if I win, you have to withdraw your troops and leave."

Bubblegum folded her arms, "I have you in my grasp, Marceline... I would have to be insane to accept!"

Marceline looked to the side, "Oh, I understand... you know that your science can't stand up to my magic."

The Princess gasped a bit, "What? You stupid tomboy! Magic will never be able to hold a candle to magic!"

"Well then, if you really believe that, accept my challenge."

Simon and Schwabl realized what Marcy was doing: challenging Bubblegum's pride. She would defend her belief in science, which if challenged, caused her to act irrationally. In Bubblegum's mind, if she turned down this challenge in front of her subordinates, she might as well tell them that magic bent science over a buffet table and anally raped it.

She ripped off the bottom of her wedding gown, looking over at her wedding maiden, Lady.

"Lady... my utility belt, if you will..."

Lady muttered something in Korean, grabbing hold of it with her mouth and handing it over to Bubblegum. The pink scientist strapped it around her waist as Marcy drew her ax-bass.

Simon raised his hands up,"Everyone! We can't fight here! We must move the battle outdoors to ensure that..."

He was interrupted as Marcy and Bonni crashed through a nearby window, tumbling down the side of his Ice Castle/mountain hybrid.

* * *

After reaching the bottom, Bubblegum ended up on top of Marceline, wrapping her fingers around Marcy's throat. Marceline growled, kicking Bubblegum off of herself and sending the crazed woman into the powdery snow.

Bubblegum flipped up, pulling out several small objects. She tossed them at Marceline, only for the girl to string her ax-bass, sending a rippling shock wave to throw the bombs back at their thrower.

Bubblegum rolled out of the way as they exploded, releasing several splashes of highly vitriolic acid. The green, sizzling goop ate threw the snow and into the terra-frosted ground below.

"You can't keep this up forever, Marceline! The power of science is infinite!" the mad scientest said, pulling out a small gun, unfolding into a small flamethrower.

Marceline opened up her spell book, "Other way around, pinky!"

Bubblegum pulled the trigger, shooting a wave of fire at Marceline, who lifted her finger in the air, shouting, "Aquas!"

Marceline shot out a huge ball of water from the tip of her finger, the water crashing through the fire, putting it out as well as soaking the flamethrower, making it useless.

Bubblegum threw it to the ground, looking up just in time to see Marceline's fist crash into her face, knocking her to the ground. Marceline quickly took her ax-bass and pressed it up to the ink woman's neck, "I think I win. And you can't go against a royal challenge, right?"

Bubblegum growled, "Mark my words, Marceline... one day, I will kill you..."

She pulled out a small radio, "Lemongrab... get the troops and pull out..."

* * *

Marceline sat in her bed, reading some of the pages from her spell book. She then heard a knocking a her door, "Marcy, it's Schwabl."

"Doors unlocked, bro. Come on in."

The door swung open, and her brother walked in, a cup of coca in his hands, "Her, Marcy, have some hot chocolate."

"Thanks, Schwabl. I think I'm gonna read my spell book for a little while before I hit the hay."

"You're welcome, sis." he pulled her in for a hug.

Little did they know, from the open doorway, a male-figure cloaked in shadow hung like a bat, his red eyes glowing.

His pointed ears twitched as he spied on the two,"Sweet... might as well have a little fun with these two dweebs before I kick 'em out..."

* * *

**Lemme clarify a few things;**

**I didn't really have a chance to describe what a 'Banana Soldier' looks like- they basically look like Banana Guards, except they have spiked shoulder pads, black boots, and use candy cane rifles instead of spears.**

**I also mentioned something about a wizard named, 'Cihl'. Hes basically the Billy of this story... who switched roles with him...? Rearrange the letters in his name...**

**Finally, if you want to tell me what pairing you want to see, leave a review that's more than 'finnceline'. Instead, give me impute on the chapter, along with it... if you're not interested, just go vote on my profile.**


	4. Evicted

Mareline shuffled into her cave house landing face first on her couch. Shcwabl walked into the room, "Hey, Marceline, how did those wizard lessons go..?"

Marceline groaned, "Lets just say there was a meteor..."

Schwabl shrugged his shoulders, "OK then... well, you want- huh?"

Marceline had already fallen asleep. Schwabl shook his head back and forth with a light chuckle, walking back into the kitchen.

* * *

Marceline woke up when she heard a light whoosh over her head. Her eyes sprung open, sitting up. She looked around the room, until she heard a light tapping at the front window.

She looked towards the sound, but nothing was there. Nervous, she wiped a light sweat from her forehead.

"'Sup, baby girl?"

She turned her head and screamed. Sitting on her couch was a man with pale blue skin, pointed ears, and glowing red pupils. He wore a blue hoodie, with the hood itself being pulled down and white, black jeans, and combat boots.

Schwabl burst into the room, "Marcy, Whats wr-ro-ro-ro-...holy shit! VAMPIRE!"

In what seemed like an instant, the vamp grabbed Marceline and Schwabl, sitting them down on the couch. He wrapped his arms around each of their shoulders and smiled, "Nice to meet you two... I'm Finn, the Vampire King."

"Are... are you gonna cut us open like fish and suck out our guts and blood..?" squeaked Schwabl.

Finn laughed a bit, "I don't drink blood... well, sometimes I do, but I don't need to... just the color red. Observe..."

Without warning, he stuck his head down near Marceline's 'chick package' as Schwabl would put it. He bit into the bottom corner of her shirt, sucking the red out.

He came back up, wiping his lips with his sleeve, and taking delight in Marceline's beat red face.

"Delicious... you know, you guys seem pretty cool and all, but I'm afraid you're gonna have to hit the road."

"Huh?" said Marceline and Schwabl simultaneously, confused.

Finn let out that same, cocky, mischievous laugh again, "Am I speaking french or something? Who do you think built this joint? It was me."

He flicked his finer at a picture on the wall, the picture lifting up and revealing a cursive 'F'

"'F' is for 'Finn'." the vampire explained.

"So thats what its for..." said Schwabl, scratching his chin.

Without warning, Finn grabbed Marceline and Schwabl by the hems of their pants (well, the fur right above Schwabl's butt,) and tossed them outside, into the cave.

Marceline sat up, "I'll kill you, asshole!" she shouted at the house.

Finn tossed them two bags, "I took the liberty of packing your things. Better get outta here, because if you don't, I'm not going to be so nice!"

Marceline growled, grabbing her ax-bass from her bag. Schwabl grabbed her leg, "Whoa, whoa, hold up! Vampires are like, crazy strong! Our old house belongs to him now, we better just accept our fate and find a new place..."

Marceline scoffed, "Fine."

* * *

_So Marceline and Schwabl_

_Set out to find a new home._

_For a young lady and a poodle on their own._

_Heres a __little house__,_

_Aww Marcelines sticking' her foot in. (_ pronounce 'ine' to rhyme with 'Marceline.")

_well that's a bad idea, sis, cause now that bird thinks your a jerk, Marceline!_

_And now their chillin' on the side of a hill!_

_and thinkin' livin' in a mountain be totally thrillin'_

_Unless they find something inside_

_like a mean rock man and his beautiful rock bride._

_a beehive, oh nooo-ooo-ooo!_

_Dont put your foot in there gal._

_y'all tried that before,_

_and you know that didn't turn out right_

_big shell go inside_

_look around, it seems alright_

_Frog jumps out_

_and barfs fire_

_throwing down potions for food and tigeeers_

_you know you should have stayed_

_and fought that handsome vampire dude_

_Schwabl was feeling terrified_

_he was super scared of his vampire bite_

_which is understandable_

_cause vampires are very powerful_

_they're unreasonable_

_and burnt out dealing with mortals._

_Oh Finn the King!_

_Why are you you so mean?_

_Finn:_

_I'm not mean,_

_I'm 1000 years old_

_and I just lost track of my moral code._

Singer:

_Oh Finn, cant you see these heroes are in pain?_

Finn:

_No I cant,_

_I'm invested in this ace pie makin' machane'. _(Nepter)

Singer:

_So there go our heros,_

_walking on the grassy ground._

_Heading towards their destiny,_

_I'm sure they'll figure something out..._

* * *

Marceline laid outstretched on the grass, "I hate that guy! I don't want a new home, Schwabl, I want our old home back!"

Schwabl laid down beside her, "Marceline, do you remember what dad always told us...?"

"Always brush your teeth before you go to bed?"

"No, the other thing."

"Oh! Home is where the heart is!"

"That's right, sister. And as long as I'm here with you, I'm home."

Suddenly, saw a huge shadow stretching out over a hill. Deciding to investigate, the hero's climbed over the hill, and gasped when they saw a gigantic tree house within the branches of a massive tree.

Marceline looked over at Schwabl, smiling.

* * *

Marcy and Schwabl stood in the kitchen of the tree house, looking around and admiring their handy work.

"We really fixed this place up!" said Schwbl, hands on his hips.

"I know, right? So, what do we do now?"

"Let's trash it!" responded the poodle.

"Yeah, no. This is my house as well."

Marceline knew that voice. It was Finn. She spun around and pointed a finger at him, "You! You can't take this house too!"

Finn laughed a bit, "Oh, I can't? That's pretty funny, human."

Marceline looked over at the cowering Schwabl and smiled, "You know what? Keep the houses... I have something more important than that: Schwabl. He's better than a million houses put together!"

"Is that right...?" said Finn, rubbing his chin, "-well then, I'll guess I'll take him, too!"

He flew over to Schwabl, grabbing him and floating up into the air. Marceline clenched her fist, raising it towards the Vampire King, "You put him down this instant..."

Finn gave a fanged smile, his eyes turning entirely blood red. He pulled the terrified Schwabl in a head-lock, "Why don't ya make me?"

Marceline responded by rushing at the king with shocking speed, sending her fist flying into his gut. The monster gasped, spittle flying out of his mouth.

Schwabl took this opportunity to transform into an elephant, practically taking up the entire kitchen and squashing the vampire underneath his huge weight. However, both he and Marceline were surprised when Finn, with some effort, picked him up and hurled him out the side of the house, smashing the wall to pieces.

Finn looked out the recently made hole, down at the poodle who had changed back to his base form. He smiled wildly, "OK, mutt, who wanna play with the big boys?"

Finn jumped out and changed into a huge, grotesque bat creature. He grabbed the terror-stricken Schwabl between his giant hands, "What do you think of me now?"

Schwabl gave a pathetic squeak in fear. Finn laughed, until he saw Marceline rushing at him, her fist ablaze with a green fire from some sort of spell.

"EAT THIS, YOU MONSTER!"

Finn gasped as the girl's fist collided with his stomach, causing him to drop Schwabl. Finn turned back into a regular vampire, then tackled Marceline to the ground.

"I'm impressed, baby girl..." said the king, his face mere inches from hers, "- that actually hurt."

He planted a kiss on her right cheek, causing her face to turn cherry-red. He laughed, floating up into the air, "You can have your old house back... as a gift from me, Finn!"

With that, he flew into the old house, and Marceline sighed, picking up the out-cold Schwabl and walking back to her home.


	5. Henchman

**Finn's outfit in this chapter is based off his look in the episode, 'The Creeps'.**

* * *

Marceline and Schwabl, sneaking through the Candy Castle, crept past the Banana Soldiers, until they reached two chocolate bar doors.

Marceline pointed to one door, "Here... I'll check if this door is where Bubblegum is keeping Ice Prince. You check the other one."

"'Kay." said Schwabl, going through the other door.

Marceline pushed open the door into one of Bubblegum's labs, where there was a wooden table with bunches of wires and scrap. She scoffed, "Nothing in here..."

"Wait!" called out a sweet, soft voice, "I'm still here!"

Marceline looked down at her feet, seeing a tiny, box-shaped robot tug at her jeans. She gently picked him up, "And who are you, baby?"

"BMO." it answered, "Princess Bubblegum created me from an old video game system... but she said I have 'faulty coding'. I... I'm afraid she might throw me away..."

Marceline smiled warmly down at the little computer, "Aw... don't worry. Here, get in my pack. You can live with me from now on. Nepter would love to have a fellow robot for a friend."

BMO giggled, climbing inside her pack, when Schwabl and Ice Prince snuck into the room, "Marcy, I found him... lets get outta here!"

* * *

Marcy watched BMO chase after Nepter, the microwave-based robot far faster due to his well-greased treads. Marcy laughed a bit, "So, BMO... you said Bubblegum built you from an old gaming system?"

"Right." BMO said, just as he managed to out maneuver Nepter and jump on top of him.

Marceline rubbed her chin, "Well, can you play video games?"

"I could create my own games, if I had the software!" said BMO happily.

* * *

Marceline, the software for BMO tucked into her pack, walked through the forest on her way back home with Schwabl at her side. That's when the two heroes heard distressed crying coming from what sounded like an elderly man.

Marceline gasped, running behind some nearby bushes and peaking over them to see what the man was crying about.

Her eyes widened. Standing there was Finn, the Vampire King. He now wore a black tuxedo and wolf mask, looking like he was prepared to go to some party. Strapped to his side was a crimson, cross-designed blade.

In front of the monstrous king was a gray old man in tattered clothing, struggling to balance on one foot while standing on top of his cane.

"C'mon, old man..." said Finn, "-you can do better than that..."

The old man gave another chocked cry before falling to the ground in a pathetic heap. Finn scoffed, "C'mon, old timer!"

Schwabl gulped, "Well, there's nothing we can do for the old sap. C'mon, lets go home."

Marceline didn't hear him, however. She already emerged from the shrubs and walked over to the king, pointing a finger right in his face, "You leave that poor old man alone, you cruel bastard!"

Schwabl face-palmed, rushing over to his sister's side.

Finn smiled, "Sorry... but that wrinkled prune is my henchman for life... he has to do whatever I say, whenever I say it."

Marceline grabbed him by the hem of his shirt, bringing his face so close to his that the nose of his wolf-mask touched her own nose, "I'll do whatever it takes to the free that old man..."

Finn flashed a fanged smirk, "Even become my new henchman...?"

Marceline looked down solemnly, "Yes... I would..."

Schwabl gasped a bit, "Marceline! Please, don't!"

Finn pushed Schwabl to the side with his foot, "Shes an adult, mutt. Let her make her own decisions."

Marceline's fists trembled, "I'll do it, Finn... I'll become your henchman..."

The king of the night smiled, wrapping his arm around Marceline's waist. He looked back at the old man, "You're free to go, old timer."

Finn, without warning, took off into the sky with Marceline. Schwabl balled his fists up, "I- I'm not gonna let that freak violate my sister! I'm coming for you, Marceline!" cried Schwbal, transforming into a cheetah and dashing off to find vampire hunting supplies.

Meanwhile, the old man stood, dusting himself off. He laughed a bit to himself, "I hope you finally settle down with this one and find yourself a queen, Finn."

* * *

"You ready yet, henchman?" cried Finn to his new minion, who was behind a locked door.

He was answered by the door swinging open, revealing his new servant. She was now dressed up like a maid, a pair of fish-net stockings and heels completing the look. She also was looking ready to murder the vampire.

"Oh, don't be so miffed, sweet-cheeks..." said Finn, "-you look _soooo _cute!"

Marceline barley contained her urge to slap the rude man, "Grr... what do you want me to do now?"

Finn stroked his chin, then smiled wickedly...

"Jake! Come here, boy!"

It seemed like the whole tree-house was shaking when a large, hairy beast ran into the room. Marceline gasped... it looked like a bull-dog, but it was the size of a lion. Green saliva hung from it's shark-toothed maw, and it's fur was wild and dirty. Not to mention it had a gaping wound at it's right side, exposing it's dried flesh and ribs.

To Marceline's surprise, the beast walked over to her, and instead of eating her, gave a few sniffs before a huge, slobbery lick.

"That's Jake..." explained Finn, floating over to the dog and stroking it's fur, "- he's my zombie dog. Don't worry, he's pretty friendly, once you get to know him. And your first job is to give him a bath."

* * *

Marceline, after giving Jake a much needed bath, walked up to Finn, "Hey, I gave your stinking mutt a bath..."

Finn smiled, "Great. He really stunk... anyway, the moon is full, my stomach is growling, and I'm ready to feed, and you've gotta help me!"

Marceline trembled a bit, "Bu- but I thought you said that you only needed to drink red?"

Finn chuckled, as if it were a silly question, "Correction: I _needed_ to drink red... I'll let you figure out the rest, sweet-cheeks."

Finn picked her up by her waist, flying out of a nearby window.

* * *

Finn combed the plains as he flew through the night sky, Marceline in his arms. With his advanced vampire eyes, he spotted Choose Goose waddling through the plains, pulling a cart of merchandise to his stall.

Finn smirked wickedly, diving down at the unsuspecting foul. He held him the mad goose down and turned to Marceline, "OK, hold this sucker down for a second..."

Marceline nodded her head, reluctantly holding down Choose Goose. She would normally try to kill the Vampire, but her heroine code just wouldn't allow it.

Finn extended his fangs, putting his mouth at the merchant's lanky neck... only for the vamp to unexpectedly move upwards, biting into his red beret, draining the color from it.

Choose Goose hoped up, taking off his beret and taking at look at it, only to get more giddy than usual, "Oh my! A white beret! I've always wanted a beautiful white beret! Bless you both!"

Marceline looked confused, while Finn grabbed her by the waist again, "C'mon, I've got a party to go to, and we don't want to be tardy, now do we?"

* * *

After flying towards the coast for a few minutes, Marceline looked up at her new master, "Finn...? Where are we going?"

"The Marauder Village..." he looked down, his eyes falling upon a graveyard, "-but we have to pick up some friends first..."

Finn landed atop a mausoleum, before raising his fist into the air, "Arise!"

On his command, several skeletons rose from the ground. Marceline bit her lip a bit, '_Why would he need skeletons...? He's not planning on pillaging the Marauders, is he...?'_

Several skeletons went into the mausoleum, pulling out large black cases. Finn jumped down, "C'mon, Marceline... we don't wanna be late!"

Marcy complied, jumping down with Finn. Her, the King, and the skeletons all walked to the village, were they gathered in the center of town. The skeletons walked onto a makeshift stage, taking cutting-edge musical instruments out of the cases, and started playing a rock song for the marauders. They all started cheering, the party now commenced.

Finn looked over at Marceline, who was standing behind him, "Feel free to enjoy the party, baby girl."

Marceline stared at Finn, who walked over to a table and began an arm-wrestling match with some marauder.

Marceline thought upon the king's actions... and snapped her fingers, '_I've got it! Everything Finn does is just to mess with me! He's a bit of a jerk, but not evil.'_

Marceline began to dance and drink with the rest of the marauders, stopping only to punch out on attempting to grope her. This made Finn laugh, "You're feisty... hey, I need you to do something for me..."

"What?"

Finn produced a kitten from Glob only knows where, "Kill this kitten for me..."

Finn handed the mewling cat to Marcy, then unslinging his red sword, handing it to her as well, "Well, better get chopin'."

Marceline put the cute, chocolate-colored cat on the ground, where it rolled on to it's back, looking up at the human girl with it's big, sparkly eyes.

Marceline lifted the sword into the air, arms shaking and knees buckling. She bit her bottom lip, "I don't get it... what would be the flip-side of chopping up this poor little cat...?"

Finn folded his arms across his chest, "There is no flip-side! Just kill the thing before..."

The kitten then grew to the size of a small trailer, it's fangs extending and it's cute eyes turning blood red.

Finn sighed, "Should have killed the little fucker while he was cute..."

The giant cat sprung at Marcy, who ducked out of the way. She prepared a spell, but the cat sprung forward, knocking her to the ground with her paw. The cat loomed over the stunned girl, only for Finn to grab it's tail, pulling both it and the spin connected to it out with a single tug. It slummed to the ground, dead.

Finn helped Marceline up, and she smiled at him. Finn smiled back, "It's been a wild night, but I think its about time to get home, baby girl."

* * *

Finn (protected by the shade of a black umbrella), and Marceline sat on a decrepit bench, Finn sucking the red from some strawberries before handing the gray husks to Marceline to eat.

"So," said Finn, "-you seem to be acting a whole lot more casual around me... maybe my evil nature is starting to rub off on you...?"

Marceline scoffed, "You're a pervert, and kind of dick, but you're not evil. You just like messing with people's heads."

"Shit. Well, you're free to go, Marceline."

"Huh?"

"I just set this whole thing up so I could get to know you better, actually. We're birds of a feather. That old dude from earlier was actually my old baseball coach. But, now that you've caught on to me, there's really no point in keeping you around anymore."

"Thanks, Finn. We still on for pixie strangling tomorrow?"

"You can bet your sweet ass on it."

Marceline smiled and sat up, waving good-bye as she walked off. Finn sighed to himself, '_I only hope you feel the same way about me as I do you...'_

Finn looked over his shoulder, "By the way, I can smell you, Schwabl."

Schwabl emerged from the bushes, decked out in holy water, stakes, and garlic.

"Party pooper..." the poodle said bitterly, slinking off after his sister.


	6. Her Hero

Marcy and Schwabl stood flabbergasted before an abandoned subway tunnel, blocked off by rubble and a magical staff depicting a dragon coiled around a stick, jammed in the ground.

Marceline held the staff with great care, "Schw- Schwabl... do you know what this is...?"

"Cihl's staff..." said Schwabl, amazed.

Marceline gave it a tug, causing the wreckage blocking the subway to become enveloped in a green light before floating out of the way.

Marceline and Schwabl giggled excitedly before running down into the subway. There, siting on a pile of treasure, was the wizard hero, Cihl. He was an almost skeletal looking man, with gray skin and a sharp nose. He wore royal, green robes and a crown with curved ram-horns at each side. He was a practical giant, easily doubling Marceline's height.

He smiled at the two girls, "Hello there. I sense you two are pure of heart... what brings you two to my lair...?"

Marceline was all most to giddy to reply, but she managed, "Oh... glob... we... we just... stumbled upon your home, and I just wanted to let you know that you're my hero!"

Cihl allowed a small smile to grace his lips, "Thank you, young lady."

Marceline dropped to her knee and bowed respectively, Schwabl doing the same.

"Mr. Cihl," Marceline said, "-if I might ask, what are you doing cooped up in this dusty old cave...?"

"I am simply to old to fight evil any more... but I can still train a young heroine, if she is willing to learn my lessons."

Marceline's eyes widened, "R-really?!"

"Of course..." the old wizard said with a small smile, "-I sense you have powerful magic potential, young lady."

Marceline bounced on her heels excitedly, "Oh my Glob! Thank you so much, Cihl! When do my lessons start?!"

The tall, old man slunk back, "Not so fast, Eager McBeaver... first, you must prove yourself worthy. I have a specific task in mind for you."

"What is it, Cihl?"

He stoked his thin chin, "There is a certain city, called Fight City. There, in the middle of an ancient coliseum is a magical crystal that casts a spell of blood lust over the whole city."

"You want me to destroy this crystal...?" asked Marceline.

"Exactly." answered the ancient wizard.

"Don't worry, sir!" said Marceline with a salute, "-I won't let you down!"

She turned and ran off, Schwabl looking back at Cihl before following her, "-I have a secret crush on you, Cihl!"

The poodle then turned into a cheetah and sprinted off, leaving behind a sighing Cihl.

* * *

Marcy looked down at the map, then looked back up at the ancient wall and buildings surrounding a huge coliseum, the entire set sitting in the middle of a sun-scorched, sandy desert.

Marceline tucked the map up, "OK... that's defiantly Fight City. Let's go!"

They both ran up to into the city, where they were immediately spotted by a large troll wielding a blood-stained club.

He grunted, "You two... prepare to die!"

He ran up at them, swinging his large club. Marceline grabbed Schwabl rolled out of the way, tossing Schwabl at the large monster. In mid-flight, Schwabl transformed into a tortoise, retreating into his shell at the last second and crashing into the monster's head, busting it's skull open.

Schwabl transformed back into a poodle and landed on his hind-legs, "OK, I see they don't call it fight city for nothing."

Marceline drew her ax-bass as more blood-lusting fighters surrounded them. They came in all matter of shapes, sizes, and all came equip in certain armor and weaponry, ranging from leather armor to cyborg suits and clubs and rusty hammers to laser swords. What they all had in common, however, is that they all were very well-used.

Marceline swung her ax-bass to the right, chopping off the arm of a gray man reaching out to grab her. Schwabl turned into a bull, plowing through the mob, Marceline right behind him.

As they gave chase, Marceline chopped down a nearby tree and set it ablaze with a fire spell, baring the blood-thirsty mob's progress.

Marceline panted, seeing the their target dead ahead... the coliseum. Schwabl transformed into a rhino and plowed through the gates, Marceline following close behind.

They entered the huge arena, seeing a black skeleton with a huge sword by it's side siting in a large throne. In it's lap, with his single arm wrapped around it, was an orange gem, seeming to radiate a harsh red and yellow light.

The crowd of blood-thirsty rioters drew ever closer. Marceline quickly yanked the crystal away from the dead man, smashing it against the sandy ground.

Suddenly, all the rioters ceased charging... many questions were asked. Why were they all dressed for combat? Why were they in an arena? And who is that human girl flying off on a huge, white eagle?

* * *

"You did well, Marceline..." Cihl said, "-you've proved yourself. Come here every Monday, and I'll teach you the ways of the arcane."

Cihl smiled as Marceline held Schwabl's paws, the two dancing around in a circle.

'_We'll need someone of your caliber if we're to defeat him...'_ Cihl thought grimly, thoughts of his worst-enemy still haunting his mind.


	7. My Brother's Keeper

**Finn's look in this chapter is based off an awesome comic by Vika01 on devianart... please don't sue me!**

* * *

Marceline opened the door to Finn's tree house. After learning he made her his henchman to hang out with her, and that he was simply a fun-loving dare-devil who had a hard time making friends, she had made good pals with both him and Jake.

She looked around the interior of his tree-house, seeing Jake napping in the corner of the room, right beneath the red, cross-designed sword that decoratively hung on the wall.

Finn smiled upon her arrival. He wore a pair of faded jeans, black sneakers, a black, sleeveless shirt, and a spiked choker around his neck. "Marcy! Glad you're here. Could you play your ax-bass for me for a while I record my song?"

Marceline smiled brightly, "Sure."

"Wait..." said Finn, "-I'm gonna be singin' about some pretty heavy shit..."

"I think I can handle it."

"Alright..."

She hooked her bass up to his amp and began playing, while Finn started singing into a Walkman,

_Big Brother,_

_Why did you leave me there?_

_Do even care?_

_Big Brother, _

_My cursed blood is your cursed blood, _

_So come on back and be my bud,_

_Big Bro, _

_Do you even love me? _

_Well, I wish you'd show it, _

_Because I wouldn't know it._

Suddenly, Marceline stopped playing. She looked up at the floating Finn, who paused the Walkman, "Marcy, I warned you there would be some pretty heavy shit..."

Marceline looked up at him with shining eyes, "You- you have a big brother?"

Finn clenched his fists so tight that his fingernails dug into his skin, and blood began to spill down his palms, "Yeah... but I don't talk to him anymore..."

Marceline smiled, a plan already forming in her hero brain, "Uh... so, where does he live...?"

Finn, to lost in sorrowful memories to pick up what she would do next, answered her, "The Night O' Sphere..."

"Uh-huh... and how do you get there?"

"Well, first you have to draw the seal... it could just be a circle, but I like drawing a stupid face... next, you have to throw some bug-milk on it..."

Finn didn't notice Marceline doing these actions on a nearby wall, so he continued, "Then you have to chant something like, _Maloso vobiscum et cum spiritum_. But, I really don't want to talk to him... plus, he's a huge dick."

The portal then ripped open, causing Finn to jump back in surprise. Jake woke up, growling.

Finn flew over to Marceline, grabbing her shoulders, "What on Ooo did you do, Marceline?!"

"Um... help reunite you with your bro...?" she said sheepishly.

Before anyone could go on, a black, armored boot stepped out of the portal, landing on the floor with a light clang. Marceline looked over and gasped.

Another Vamire stood there. He looked almost exactly like Finn, except his hair was slightly longer and darker, as well as having a good foot on the king in the height department.

He was clad in black armored boots, gauntlets, and a black tunic with blue slacks. He didn't wear anything under the tunic, revealing his pale, muscular arms. The man smiled wickedly, floating forward slowly, allowing his blue and black cloak to billow dramatically behind him.

Jake, by this point, was losing his mind. The zombie beast ran up at him, but Finn grabbed Jake by his collar, "Jake... stand back..." Finn hissed, Jake apparently understanding and slinking away.

"That's right, you filthy dog," said Finn's brother, folding his arms, "-run away, unless you want me to kill you again..."

Jake whimpered at this, huddling in the corner of the room.

Marceline smiled sheepishly, hoping that the man was simply a jerk and not evil, "Uh... nice to meet you, sir! I'm Marceline!"

The man placed on hand on his unbeating heart, folding the other behind his back, and gave a mock bow, "And I- am Penndelton Tepes, son of Vladimir Tepes III. But you may call my by my favorite name: Penn."

Marceline gulped a bit, "Wait- you mean..."

"Yeah," said Finn, shaking a bit, "-I'm Dracula's second son."

Penn looked up and smiled, "Brother! It's nice to see you again after so many years..."

Finn spit at his brother's armored boots, "Don't give me that shit, ass wipe!"

Penndelton smiled, "Oh, brother, always the insubordinate little prick. And you're still befriending mortals, I see..."

Finn stood protectively in front of Marcy, "Don't you lay a finger on her..."

Penn bared his wicked sharp fangs in a grin, "Oh, don't worry... I won't touch your precious little girl..."

The evil Vampire looked over his brother's shoulder, his red eyes falling upon Finn's sword.

"Is that the family sword over there...? Glad to see you kept it in good condition and didn't convert it into something monumentally stupid, like a violin or something... anyway, I think its about my turn to play with it, don't you?"

Finn threw a punch at his brother, only for the older sibling to catch it, tossing him back against the wall. With blinding speed, Penn rushed forward, grabbing the sword and lifting it up, examining it.

Just as Finn removed himself from the wall, Penn kicked open a window, looking over at Marceline, "Well, I'm off to go have my fill on the blood of the creatures of Ooo. Goodbye."

With that, he transformed into a bat and flew out the window. Finn threw his fist at the wall, creating a large dent, "Damnit, Marcy! C'mon, we've gotta stop him!"

Marceline picked up her ax-bass, "Right..."

* * *

Bubblegum was wearing her lab-coat and glasses, and was standing at a work bench, crafting a new super-weapon to kill Marceline and have her way with her frosty prince... when Lemongrab burst in, hyperventilating.

Bubblegum looked over at her lackey, noting that he was the palest shade of yellow possible, "What is it, Earl?"

"Va- va- va- va- vampire... outside..." he stuttered before passing out. Bubblegum took off her glasses, tossing off her lab coat, leaving her in a tight pink t-shirt and yellow shorts. She grabbed two of her many ray-guns from a table, jumping out of a nearby window and landing in some cotton-candy shrubs.

She got out and looked in the court-yard, where there were countless dead Banana Soldiers, and in the center of it all, was a vampire, attempting to hold down a terror-stricken Lady Rainicorn and suck her blood.

Bubblegum scoffed, raising one of her ray-guns and blasting a green-bolt of energy at the monster. The Vampire saw it coming, however. He dropped Lady and flipped over the blast, the laser burning a hole through his cloak.

"Nobody drinks the blood from my Rainicorn." said Bubblegum.

He looked over at Bubblegum with his angry red eyes, "That... was my favorite cloak..." he said before ripping it off.

Bubblegum raised both of her blasters at once, only for the man to swing out his arm, sending a swarm of bats at Bubblegum. They scratched at her skin and stole her guns before flying off into the night.

The Vampire then gasped, "Wait... I know you..."

Bubblegum raised an eyebrow, "How would you know me?"

He growled, "You're that infernal scientist that turned my little brother into a weakling!"

Bubblegum looked around, making sure she wasn't being punked, "You must be smoking some good stuff, buddy."

The vamp rushed over faster than the mad scientist could follow, grabbing her by the throat, "Don't play dumb... the Mushroom War, remember? And that helpless Vampire child?"

Suddenly Penn was interrupted by a primal shout. He looked over just in time to see his little brother ram into him full force, shoulder first. This sent Penn flying back at the Candy Castle, breaking through the yellow brick.

Finn helped the coughing Bubblegum off the ground. He grabbed her by the shoulders, "You have to run away from here as fast as you can, Bonnibel!"

The pink princess looked confused, "Who's Bonnibel?"

Finn grunted, "Never mind. Just get out of here as fast you can!"

Bubblegum hopped on top of Lady Rainicorn, flying off until this whole matter resolved itself. Penn stepped out of the hole in the side of the castle his body created, "Not bad, brother. When someone you're close to is threatened, you're quite ferocious... not bad at all..."

Penn raised his hand, a glowing, boiling, ball of blood beginning to form in his palm, "But not good enough."

Finn crossed his arms to take the attack. Penn laughed like a mad man, "TAKE THIS! BLOODY NOVA!"

He fired the spell at his little brother, only for a sound wave to come out of nowhere, hitting his attack back and sending it flying at a ghetto candy house, rocking the structure with an explosion so hard it toppled over.

Marceline stepped out in front of Finn, "Hey, Finn... any particular reason you saved Bubblegum?"

Finn clenched his fists, "Never mind that!"

Penn floated forward, brandishing his sword, "In case you've two have forgotten, you're fighting me, not telling stories. I'm sure you'll both have time to talk once you're in the Night O' Sphere!"

Finn rushed at his older brother, only for the vampire to slash his sword out, delivering a deep cut along his ribs. The older vamp then spun around, hitting Finn in the head with the hilt of his sword, knocking him to the ground.

Mareline then charged Penn, screaming, "ARM OF TIGER!"

With that, her arm morphed into a tiger claw, and she lashed out at Penn. The Vampire raised up his family sword, blocking the slash. Marcy then used her other hand to strike with her ax-bass, but the vampire took to the sky to avoid it, then dove back down with a dive-kick, knocking the heroine off her feet.

Marceline coughed and spluttered, clutching her damaged ribs. Penn smirked, standing over her and raising his sword, only for Finn to crash into him once again with a kick. Penn skid across the ground, his armored boots creating sparks as they grinded against the pavement below.

Finn grabbed Marceline's bass, rushing at Penn. He lashed his sword out, Finn doing the same with his ax, and they crashed together with a loud clang.

As the brother's continued their fight, Marceline had an idea. She reached into her pack and pulled out the Walkman.

Penn and Finn floated in a circle, trying to predict each others next move... when a song started playing. Penn looked towards the source, Marceline.

_Big Brother,_

_Why did you leave me there?_

_Do even care?_

_Big Brother, _

_My cursed blood is your cursed blood, _

_So come on back and be my bud,_

_Big Bro, _

_Do you even love me? _

_Well, I you'd show it, _

_Because I wouldn't know it._

Finn looked shell-shocked. Penn stared at him from the corner of his eye, "Finn...? Do you think I don't love you?"

Finn didn't respond. His brother floated over, and to everyone's surprise, pulled Finn in for a hug.

Finn's face turned dark blue in a vivid blush. "Bro- I-"

The Vampire King was interrupted when he felt a powerful knee hit his gut. Penn laughed, pulling his knee out of brother's stomach and grabbing him by the hair, "NEVER TRUST YOUR OPPENENT, MORON!"

He hauled Finn into the air, slamming him into the pavement below, cracking the yellow stone. Marceline, who was sneaking up with a marker and bug milk to seal the Penn back in the Night O' Sphere, was too stunned to move.

Penn began stomping on his brother's chest, letting out insane laughter all the while, until a huge, yellow blur tackled him, biting at the Vampire's arm.

It was Jake! With a powerful tug, Jake yanked the vamp's arm, breaking it. Penn dropped his family sword and growled in anger, "STUPID MUTT!"

He kicked Jake in the maw, sending the zombie dog flying back. The momentary distraction was enough Marceline needed, however. She quickly undid the marker cap, drew the circle at Penn's feet, and threw the bug-milk at it.

Penn noticed the odd-smelling liquid splash against his heels, and he turned around, ready to smack Marceline, when she uttered the Latin chant.

"NO!" the Vampire screamed, falling back into the Night O' Sphere, the portal closing up before he had a chance to fly out.

Marceline looked over at Finn, smiling, before she ducked under his sword slash.

"WHOA!" she screamed, falling on her butt. Finn slunk his shoulder's down, huffing. "S-sorry, Marcy... lost control for a second there... that was emotionally exhausting..."

"Yeah..." said Marceline, struggling to pick up Jake, "-sorry 'bout that..."

"It's okay..." said Finn, slinging his sword across his back, grabbing both her and the injured Jake, "C'mon, lets go home..."

* * *

Penn landed in front of a large blob of shadow with glowing orange eyes, surrounded by a veil of raging hell fire.

"I see you didn't manage to stay in the realm of the living for long..." muttered the demon, spreading out it's pitch-black wings for a stretch.

Penn stood, snapping his arm back into place with a grunt, "My damned brother and his friends attacked me while my guard was down... I won't make the same mistake the next time I manage to escape from this reached pit, Hell Owl!"

The demonic bird gave a hoot of laughter, "If you ever do, that is."


	8. The Lemon Camel

Standing in her cave, Marceline was wearing a red, sleevless shirt and shorts for exercising, and had her ebony hair tied back into a pony-tail. The young woman was coated in a light sheen of sweat as she practiced her magic. She pointed to another rock with an open palm and screamed, "INFERNOS!"

With the magic chant, a fire-ball launched out of her hand, crashing into the targeted rock and reducing it to a pile of charred pebbles.

She wiped the sweat from her forehead, "Jeez, Cihl wasn't kidding, that spell sure takes a lot out of ya..."

Schwabl walked up to her, giving her a thumbs up, "You're getting really good at this, sis! Why, a few more months and I bet that- that- what the heck is that?"

Schwabl pointed behind his sister, towards the mouth of their cave. Their, standing completely immobile, was a lemon camel, fitted with a saddle and bags, but no rider.

Marceline walked over to it, stroking it's snout, "Aw... did you lose your master? Don't worry, you're in good hands. We'll make sure you get back to your home."

The camel didn't respond. Not that Marceline was expecting a verbal reply, but she at least expected it to give a snort or lick her palm. But, it just stood there, completely unmoving.

Schwabl walked up to it, "I think this thing has poo-brain, sister. We should probably get it to a vet or something."

Marceline nodded her head, "You're right, buddy. C'mon, transform into an elephant or something and pick this sucker up."

Schwabl did as Marcy suggested, transforming into an albino elephant and wrapping his trunk around the yellow steed. He tried to lift it, but to no avail. He gave an even harder tug... nothing.

Schwabl transformed back into a poodle, "OK, this thing is crazy dense, apparently... c'mon, let's try to push it."

Schwabl morphed into a snow-white bull, his red eyes seeming angrier than usual. He carefully placed the came's chest between his horns, careful not to impale it. Marceline summoned a red rope, tying it around the camel's mid-section, "OK, bro... you push, I pull, on the count of three, alright?"

"Right." confirmed the magic animal.

Marceline began the count down, "1... 2... 3!"

Schwabl ground his hooves into the cave floor, straining his expansive neck muscles out, pushing against the improbably heavy animal. Marceline gave her very best to yank on the rope, even using a spell to augment her strength, but to no avail.

The magic rope Marcy was pulling on suddenly snapped, making her fall onto to her rump in the was running at full speed, steam shooting out of his nostrils, but he couldn't get the damned thing to budge an inch.

He transformed back into a poodle and fell to the ground, panting. Marcy went over and picked him up, "Look... however this thing got here, it got here, which means it can leave. Let's just go on an adventure. It'll probably get bored and leave by the time we get back."

Schwabl nodded his head, "Good idea, little sis."

* * *

Marceline sliced the last evil troll in half, looking around the bloody grass where her and Schwabl had found the bastards planning on looting a nearby village.

Schwabl gave her a thumbs up, "Great work.. Mar- oh, you've gotta be kidding!"

Marceline knew what her brother was talking about. She turned around, seeing that same camel standing atop a nearby hill, staring at them.

Marceline placed a hand on her face, "Whats with that thing... is it trying to just stare at us?!"

Schwabl turned into an elephant, grabbing Marceline around the waist with his trunk, "Nope! We're out! PEACE!"

With that, he dashed towards their cave home, praying to Glob that the freaky camel wouldn't follow them.

* * *

Schwabl looked out the front window. That... thing... had been stalking the hero's for three days, and they both had barley slept since then.

"Did it follow us...?" asked Marceline, going into her room to grab her spell-book in case things got hairy. Schwabl looked back at her, "I don't think so."

He turned around to lower the blinds, only to see the lemon camel standing on the porch, mere inches from the window.

Schwabl let out a girlish scream and fell backwards, "MARCELINE! IT'S HERE!"

Marceline ran up to the porch and narrowed her eyes, "Whats wrong with this thing?!"

Schwabl kicked open the door, walking up to the thing. He kicked the freak in it's leg only for the poodle to hurt it's foot, and cause a loud, metallic clang to ring out across the cave.

Marceline narrowed her eyes, "It's made of metal...?"

With a scowl on her face, she flipped through the pages of her book, until she reached the spell she was searching for. She pointed one of her hands at the camel and screamed, "MAGNUS!"

The beast suddenly began shaking and jittering. It's eyes flashed red, and it's synthetic skin was torn off as it's mechanical insides fell apart. The magnets at the bottom of it's feet that caused that helped it stay put finally went haywire, flying out from under the robotic camel and causing it's body to hit the ground in a heap of scrap.

And, to both Marceline's and Schwabl's surprise, Princess Bubblegum emerged from the wreckage.

"BUBBLEGUM!" cried Schwabl, "-were you trying to learn our awesome hero secrets?!"

She didn't answer. She simply stood, dusted herself off, and grabbed what looked like a USB drive from the lemon robot's disembodied head. She placed it in her pocket and turned, "Goodnight to you both."

Schwabl quickly sprung forward, transforming into a cobra. He wrapped himself around Bubblegum's legs, tripping the pink woman. Marceline ran up, grabbing her by the collar and slamming the mad scientist into the wall of her cave, "Whats your problem, Bubblegum?!"

She sighed and looked down, "Alright then, I'll tell you... I... am unhappy. I want to know the science of happiness, but no matter what kind of synthetics I take, I simply cannot experience happiness I see you two having! So, I decided to build an unmovable robot in order to spy on you and learn how to be truly happy..."

Bonnibel looked up to find her subjects had fallen into a deep slumber, due to the sleepless nights wracked in paranoia of the lemon camel. Schwabl snuggled into her lap, Marceline had nestled her head into her shoulder. They both looked... happy.

Bubblegum smiled to herself, pulling out a notepad, "Of course! The secret to happiness is a good night's rest! I wasn't happy because of all those long, sleepless nights in the lab!"

After taking her notes, she tucked the notepad away, wrapped her arms around her two worst enemies, and fell into a deep slumber.


	9. Poker Night

Lady Rainicorn thrashed about Bubblegum's dimly lit lab, screaming something in Korean.

Bubblegum held the sides of her head, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE IN LABOR!? YOU'RE PREGANT?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST GETTING FAT!"

Lady Rainicorn breathed heavily, muttering under her breath. As if on cue, Marceline and Schwabl burst through Bubblegum's doors, "OK, Bubblegum! The jig is up, wheres Ice Prince?!"

Bubblegum grunted, walking over to a closet and kicking it open, and out fell Simon, gagged and bound.

Bubblegum motioned towards the door, "Seriously, I don't have time for this! Lady is about to have babies!"

Marceline and Schwabl let out a simultaneous gasp. Bubblegum pointed towards the Rainicorn, "Well, what do you think shes freaking out for?! It's not like..."

Suddenly, Lady screamed loudly, and out popped five, baby Rainidogs... only, they looked sorta... zombified.

Schwabl face-palmed, instantly knowing who the father was,"Jake, you stupid son of a bitch..."

Bubblegum giggled happily, picking up the first pup, a female who had a pony-tail, a horn on her but, and now face, "I'll call you... Lady 2!"

She then picked up the chubby one, "Um... Vincent."

Next came an orange one with a curly mane, "Albert..."

Next was a girl with blond hair and a rainbow belly, "Rose!"

Lastly, a long, red one, "And Napoleon. So, Marceline, Schwabl, what do you guys think?"

Marceline was typing a number into her phone, "I think I'm calling Finn and telling him about... whatever this is."

Marceline motioned towards the zombie Rainipups, who were teething on Lemongrab, the sour man running around the lab, screaming in fear.

* * *

Shwabl walked up onto the top of he and Marceline's house, finding her sitting there and clutching her teddy-bear, Hambo, to her chest.

"Yo, Marcy... watcha thinking about?"

She smiled a bit, "You know... now that Jake's a father, I'm just wondering what happened to my old man..."

She lifted Hambo up towards the moon, staring into his button eyes, "Whenever I look at Hambo, I can't help but think about my parents... where are you, mom and dad?"

* * *

Penn the Vampire walked through the demonic, brimstone kitchen in his red, silk pjs, stopping at a coffee maker. He yawned and removed the pot, pouring out the steaming, reddish-brown liquid within into a coffee mug.

He took a sip from the blood and coffee mix and sighed. While demon blood would sustain him, it wasn't very tasty. He longed to return to Ooo and drink blood 'till he burst.

He went over to power up his computer, but his phone rang. He picked it up, "Hello?"

"Penn, my boy, come over later tonight. Abadeer is coming over for a game of poker!" said Hell Owl from the other line, sounding nervous.

Penn sighed, rubbing the sleep out of one of his eyes, "I don't see why you organize these stupid games with him, he's our worse enemy..."

"Ah, but you see, while it's forbidden to attack him in his own realm, or me in my own, we'll get to know our enemy better... maybe even discover a weakness we can exploit. See where I'm going, boy?"

"Whatever. I'll be right over." said the grouchy Vampire, hanging up the phone. He stretched out his arms and called out to his maid, "VERNO! GET MY NICE CLOTHES READY!"

* * *

Hell Owl fiddled with ends of his wings, waiting for his partner to show. He sat at a fine table with two chairs set up for both Penn and his worst enemy.

Suddenly, he heard a soft-spoken voice from behind him, "Nice to see you, Hell Owl. You know, I know when you invite me to one of your games, you're trying to figure out a weakness of mine to defeat me, but I can't resist coming back and putting you in your place."

The large, demonic bird growled, "Well, I'd say that's quite unbecoming of the Ruler of the Cosmic Realm, Hunson."

Hunson took a seat and smiled. He looked entirely human, besides a feint, yellow aura that tinted his whole body. He wore a white suit with a black-tie and rectangular-rimmed glasses.

A bat then flew into the seen, transforming into a young, blond Vampire who wore a fine, magenta-tinted tuxedo and red bow-tie. He grinned, his fangs reflecting the light from the hell-fire outside.

"Hope this isn't a private party..." he said, placing his hands on his hips.

"Of course it isn't, son. You always come to our poker nights." said Hunson warmly. To warmly to be a sarcastic comment. It made the cruel Vampire's stomach squirm...

Penn roughly took a seat, producing a deck of playing cards from his pocket,"I was making a joke, dip shit. Anyway, I assume we're just playing for cash, as usual?"

"I don't see anything else we would bet on." responded Hunson, loosing his bow-tie.

Penn raised his hand in the air, "Verno! The playing chips, please."

A Vampire woman with purple hair and dressed like a maid flew into the room, holding an obsidian platter carrying multicolored playing chips. She set it down on the table and curtsied to Penn, "Is there anything else you need, my lord?"

Penn stroked his chin, "Hmm... some booze, would be nice. Hop to it, Verno."

"Yes master~" she purred affectionately, floating backwards out of the room. Hunson grabbed at his tie nervously, "Um... boo-booze, h-huh?"

Both Hell Owl and Penn looked at each other. Penn flashed a grin, knowing exactly what to do next.

"So, Hunson, you don't like drinking...?" asked Penn, shuffling the deck of playing cards.

Hunson laughed a bit as the Vampire tossed the cards in front of him, "Actually... I used to be an alcoholic, but I'm over it now. Don't even try and think about making me drunk."

Hell Owl hooted in laughter, "Don't worry, Hunson... besides, since we invited you to this realm, we can't harm you, remember?"

* * *

Sometime later, Hunson Abadeer was laid spread across the table, tossing the playing cards up into the air and giggling. He was quite intoxicated.

"So, Hunson..." said Hell Owl, leaning over him, "-do you have any weaknesses you'd like to share with us?"

Hunson hiccuped before slurring, "Hey, I already told you... I'm not telling you jack!"

The Ruler of the Cosmic Realm brought a bottle of Jack Daniels to his lips, chugging more of the amber liquid down. Penn sighed, bringing Hell Owl in for a huddle. Penn lent in close, "OK, this is going no where, real fast... we've been trying to pry something out of him for an hour, and he hasn't said squat..."

Hell owl nodded, "I know... but we've got to hang in there! We won't be able to get another golden opportunity like this... hey, is he crying?"

Penn looked over, seeing Abadeer looking into a locket and crying. As he pushed up his glasses and wiped away his tears with his tie, Penn walked up behind him and gave him a firm pat on the back, "Everything alright there, buddy?"

He sniffled, "Nothing... JUST MY DEAD WIFE AND BABY!"

He fell to the ground in a pathetic heap, balling his eyes out. He dropped his locket on the ground by mistake, however, and Penn picked it up, Hell Owl looming over his shoulder.

Inside was a picture of a Hunson holding onto dark-haired and dark-skinned woman bridal style, while she was holding onto a similar looking baby, who in turn, was holding onto a red teddy-bear.

Penn chuckled a bit, "This them...?"

"Yeah..." sniffled Hunson, "... my wife's name was Madeline, my daughter's was Marceline..."

Penn dropped the locket, cracking the glass. A shiver ran up and down his spine. He knew that Marceline... he was sure that's what his brother called that girl he was hanging out with.

Suddenly, he broke out into manically laughter. Hell Owl looked at him worriedly, "Um... Penn, you alright, friend."

Penn smiled back at the demon bird, that crazed grin he was infamous for plastered across his face, "Never better..."


End file.
